Heinz's Father Day
by MassiveSinger
Summary: So, we're all wondering: What does Heinz do for Father's Day and Vanessa's birthday? Find out in this one-shot! DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN PHINEAS AND FERB!


Hello! I know I told you guys you were getting a one-shot for Father's Day. Well... I need to spend time with my father, too!

Now, here's the one-shot!

* * *

Doofenshmirtz's POV:

I can't seem to get _anything_ right!

Seriously, Vanessa's birthday is right next to Father's Day! I can't just balance a 17-year-old's needs with a special Father's Day event!

One time, I tried baking a cake for Vanessa and I. Unfortunately, I somehow managed to _burn_ the cake! Perry the Platypus had the come over to put out the fire.

How _embarrassing _is that!

Oh, oh! I remember another _awful_ moment. Vanessa loves to read (Yes, she does like to read. Punk people aren't always shallow, you know! Sometimes, they are very deep!), so I thought it would be nice to get a book we can both read.

It was awful! Apparently, the book wasn't about a relationship about a father and his daughter. It was about a _son_ and his father! Vanessa ignored me for the rest of the day because she thought I wanted a son!

There's also another moment I remember... I accidentally picked up a book called "You and Your Shallow, Stupid Daughter: What to Do with Your Punk Airhead."

She ran away! Vanessa went into a hotel for five days!

This time, this time... I will get it _right_!

I _love_ beef jerky. Vanessa loves it, too! There's this brand called "Oy, Roberto!" It's a type of beef jerky that was made by a family! Imagine that!

I'm going to make some beef jerky with Vanessa. That's a fool-proof plan! (I'm the fool. The plan needs to be me-proof.)

* * *

Vanessa's POV:

Something's going on with Dad. When I'm around, he always hides from me. When I try to talk to him, he says, "Do you want some beef jerky?"

Now, he's really acting crazy. Crazier than usual. He recently bought 10 pounds of lean meat, and lots of spices...

I'm positive this has something to do with beef jerky. I checked his browser history (It isn't exactly snooping because we share the computer. I always check the browser history because I don't want Dad to know I've been doing stuff behind his back.)

His browser history showed a lot of "How to Make Your Own Beef Jerky" articles.

One time, he burnt a cake. Perry had to come to our house to put out the fire. He's probably going to burn the beef jerky.

* * *

Doofenshmirtz's POV:

Maybe, my plan isn't fool-proof. I just realized I burnt a cake! How am I possibly going to cook the beef jerky?! Well, Vanessa could cook it _herself_.

I don't want my little baby to burn up! She won't cook until she's 30, no 40, no never!

Maybe I'm being too _overprotective_. I think she already knows how to cook the basic stuff...

Then again, she really could _burn_ herself! I remember Charlene burnt herself several times when she was cooking. I always manage to burn myself! Vanessa probably inherited our bad luck...

There is one person I could ask for advice, but that's going too far. Oh well, I'll do _anything_!

* * *

Norm's POV:

HI, I'M NORM. IT IS 70 DEGREES, AND THAT IS THE PERFECT TEMPERATURE FOR CATCH. IT IS SLIGHTLY WINDY, BUT THAT WILL BE OK. THAT MEANS DAD AND I COULD FLY A KITE.

DAD WANTS TO TALK. I WONDER WHY...

DAD SAID, "Norm, I need some help for planning a _fool-proof_ Father's Day plan!"

I PROCESSED THIS STATEMENT, AND I CAME UP WITH A LIST OF THINGS DADS CAN DO WITH THEIR SONS. I SAID, "DADS CAN GRILL FOR FATHER'S DAY."

MY EYE RECEPTORS NOTICED A FROWN ON DAD'S FACE. HE SAID, "No. I manage to always burn the meat!"

"NEXT ON THE MY LIST IS A ROAD TRIP.", I SAID.

DAD SHOOK HIS HEAD. DAD SAID, "No. That will just remind Vanessa of the fact that she doesn't have a car..."

"WHAT IF YOU READ A STORY?", I SUGGESTED.

"Uhh... I have a _really_ hard time choosing good books.", DAD SAID.

I SAID, "HOW ABOUT A NATURE HIKE?"

"NO!", DAD SCREAMED.

"WHY NOT?", I ASKED.

"Mosquitoes, cars, and that sort of stuff! It's just_ no good_!", HE REPLIED.

"Maybe, you can use Mechanics, Gardening, Building, Getting to know each other, Attend sporting events, or Volunteer!", I SUGGESTED.

"I already proved that I'm awful with Mechanics. Gardening doesn't like fun. Building an -inator may not be cool. Everyone here already seems to know me. Attending sporting events is just a big no. Volunteering doesn't even sound _evil_!", HE SAID.

HE SCRUTINIZED ME. THEN DAD SAID, "You know... These all sound like activities you can do with a _boy_. Isn't there anything I can do with a _daughter_?"

I FELT HURT. DID HE MEAN HE WANTED TO SPEND FATHER'S DAY WITH VANESSA?

"Hey! I have the perfect idea!", SAID DAD.

"YOU WANT TO DITCH VANESSA AND SPEND FATHER'S DAY WITH ME?!", I ASKED EXCITEDLY.

"Of course not! I'm know what I'm going to do today!", DAD SAID EXCITEDLY.

AFTER THAT BOLD STATEMENT, DAD RUSHED OUT OF THE ROOM TO CARRY OUT HIS PLAN.

* * *

Doofenshmirtz's POV:

I didn't know it was so _easy_! This plan will definitely work. Vanessa's watching T.V, so I'll check on her...

* * *

Vanessa's POV:

I heard a loud shout. (It wasn't Norm, it was Dad.)

I'm laying on the couch, and I'm wondering what Dad will do for Father's Day.

Hmm... Dad came into the living room, and he's on the couch with me. He said, "The plan for Father's Day and your birthday is we'll do _nothing_!"

Really?! Is that his attempt? After several over-the-top plans, doing nothing is his plan? I need to stop this madness.

"Oh... That sounds like _sooooo_ much fun!", I muttered sarcastically.

"That's _great_!", Dad said excitedly.

Wait a minute. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I love it when Dad tries to use over-the-top plans! It kind of shows that he'll go great lengths to make my birthday and his day special...

* * *

Doofenshmirtz's POV:

Maybe, the do-nothing day is a bad plan. Vanessa muttered something, so this may not work. What am I to do?!

Hey, I have an idea...

* * *

Vanessa's POV:

Dad is driving me crazy with his OOCness! (That's Out of Character. Even though that was a fanfiction term, it works well in this situation.)

He just went from "I'mma laze off with my daughter." to "Let's get busy! I'm putting something in the oven, and I have a 99.99% risk of burning myself!" It's just madness...

* * *

NORM'S POV:

IT IS CURRENTLY 6:00 P.M. DAD IS PUT SOME SORT OF CURRY. IT DOES NOT SMELL BECAUSE IT IS NOT BAKED.

WE NEED TO WAIT AN HOUR AND A HALF. THAT MEANS THERE IS PLENTY OF TIME TO PLAY CATCH.

* * *

Doofenshmirtz's POV:

Yes! I have cooked a special curry! (I have no idea what county it's from. Uhh.. Greenland? Canada?) I really hope I cooked it right because Perry the Platypus might come and ruin Father's Day. (He isn't a father, and he is isn't a son. Wait, I'm pretty sure some dad and mom gave birth to him. What does that mean, then? Ugh. I'll think about that later.)

Norm is constantly asking me to play catch! The obvious answer is a "NO!"

Before I forget, I'll serve ice cream. The dinner will also be candlelit.

* * *

Major Monogram's POV:

It seems like Doofenshmirtz is going nothing today? Nope, he must have some sort of evil plan! I communicated with Perry though his watch. I hope he comes...

Oh! He came.

"Agent P, your mission is to find out why Doofenshmirtz is making a curry. Put a stop to this!", I said.

Agent P saluted, and went though a tube to get to Doofenshmirtz's place.

* * *

Agent P's POV:

I don't really see why baking a curry is evil except for the fact that curries are spicy. Maybe he hates how spicy they are, and he'll make a non-spicy curry? I can't predict his plans...

Time to bust through the door!

* * *

Dr. Doofenshmirtz's POV:

Perry the Platypus! Hey, he busted my door!

"You do you're going to _pay_ for that, right?", I said.

Perry the Platypus simply nodded. I don't have a _plan_, so I guess it might be _rude_ to make him go away. "Uh... Why don't you go to the couch, Perry the Platypus? I'll have enough curry for you.", I said in my nicest tone. (Unfortunately, it didn't sound too nice. Perry gave a dirty glare for my "rudeness")

Hey, it's been an hour and a half. Why doesn't the smell of the curry go through the house?!

I rushed into the kitchen. Oh, dear... My curry isn't even _cooked_! What happened!?

* * *

Agent P's POV:

My stomach growled. 7:30 is the time I usually have my dinner. My dinner?! Oh, no! My dinner...

I was supposed to have dinner at some restaurant with my family. (Believe it or not, they cater to platypi.)

Argh! Now, I have to spend dinner with Heinz and his family. Heinz is a terrible cook, Vanessa probably inherited his "cooking skill", and Norm is... He's actually a good cook, but that doesn't mean his food is better than spending time with my family!

Wait.. It usually takes my family two hours to get ready for a restaurant. I might have some time!

It's 7:30. What's taking Heinz?

I should go check on him in the kitchen.

* * *

Phineas's POV:

Hey, where's Perry?

* * *

Doofenshmirtz's POV:

Oh! The curry is ruined, and my life is ruined! I _cried_ a little. Oh, I hope Perry the Platypus doesn't see me like this!

He's right next to me. I guess he can see everything! "MY LIFE IS _OVER_!", I yelled at Perry the Platypus. He rolled his eyes as if he wanted to say, "No. It's not over."

"YES IT IS!", I wailed. He just shook his head. His face had an expression like, "You're acting like a 17-year-old."

"I AM NOT ACTING LIKE A _17-YEAR-OLD_!", I screamed.

Perry the Platypus snatched my curry plate. Then, he inspected it. He looked at my oven. After a few moments of silence, he pointed to a setting.

I sniffed, and I looked. It said, "Grill". He pointed to an option that said, "Bake." We both stared, and Perry started rummaging through my cupboards. "Hey! Don't do that to my cupboards!", I shouted.

He grabbed some pasta, tomatoes, various spices, and some other stuff. He pointed to the living room.

"I'm not going to the living room! You're the _guest_, Perry the Platypus! I will not stand for this!", I said.

He pushed me towards the couch, and he pointed to it. He went back into the kitchen to do his work.

* * *

Agent P's POV:

I can't believe he's acting like a 17-year-old when I'm trying to help him! Hmm... It looks like the pasta is done.

I carried the bowl, some plates, and utensils. I set everything up neatly. Then, I dragged Heinz to the table to say something like, "Dinner's ready!"

He said, "Dinner's ready thanks to my _no-good_ nemesis." I'll be sarcastic: Oh, gosh... Thanks, for the honorable mention of me. Ok, the sarcasm is over...

Vanessa, Norm, and I all sat down at the dining table.

Vanessa said, "Let me guess. We didn't have the curry because you put the settings on "Grill" instead of "Bake" Now, Perry made some pasta." Doofenshmirtz and I nodded.

Now, we're all done with the pasta. (I only ate a little pasta. I'll have some of this dessert so I don't have to be impatient while waiting for my food at the restaurant.)

"WHERE'S DESSERT?", Norm asked.

I gave Heinz a look that said, "Don't mess up the dessert."

Heinz said, "Ok, ok. I won't mess up the _dessert_!" He really needs to learn about silent communication.

* * *

Doofenshmirtz's POV:

I grabbed a tub that looked like ice cream. Then, I scooped out the ice cream into some fancy bowls.

"Here.", I said as a passed out the bowls. Perry the Platypus was the first to taste it. He seemed to _like_ it! I _actually_ didn't mess up!

* * *

Agent P's POV:

Could this be the time where Heinz doesn't mess up? Not. Even. Close.

He took some frozen bugs in some sort of cream! It tastes wonderful to me, but I'm just a platypus. What will the rest of the family think of the "ice cream"?

Vanessa was about to eat it until I smacked her spoon out of her hand. She gave me a look that said, "You're so rude." Then, she actually looked at the label.

"Uh. Dad, this ice cream isn't ice cream. It's frozen bugs in some sort of cream.", Vanessa said.

Heinz spit out his ice cream. "Bleh... And to think I _liked_ that ice cream!", he said.

I couldn't stop myself from smiling. Heinz glared at me.

* * *

Dr. Doofenshmirtz's POV:

Ugh! Perry the Platypus is smiling at me like I'm a _doofus_! Well, at least I didn't _burn_ myself. Why do Vanessa and Perry the Platypus's faces look so pale. Vanessa trembled, and shook a finger at my hair.

What about my hair?

AAHH! I burnt my hair in a candle! Agh! Ugh! Oh!

"Someone! Anyone! _Put it out_!", I screamed in terror and agony. When I said anyone, I didn't mean Norm. He got the pasta bowl (That isn't clean.), put some water in it, and poured it on me.

Now, I'm covered in pasta water. Ugh...

Vanessa grinned and said, "You know what Dad, this was the best Father's Day and birthday thing ever!" Eventually, she'll be 18. Then, Father's Day will be on her birthday!

Why does a special age like 18 have to be on Father's Day?!

"Hey, Perry the Platypus. It's 8:30. Do you want to leave?", I said.

He left without a good-bye! Sometimes, he is so rude!

* * *

Phineas's POV:

Ok, I'm getting worried. It's been an hour! Usually, Perry's gone for 30 minutes!

Hey, there's Perry!

I picked him up, and squeezed him. "Don't you know we're going to dinner for Father's Day and Mom and Dad's anniversary, silly? You should be on time!", I said playfully.

* * *

Perry's POV:

Today is something I'll never forget! (Seriously, how can a man burn his hair, mess up a simple dinner, and think frozen bugs in cream was ice cream!) I can't wait for the dinner. (I'm hungry now...)

* * *

I guess I can leave off there! I hoped you guys liked it!

Now, I can get back to "Dear Fanfiction Authors"

BTW, I'm pretty new at writing through Heinz's POV. I used the italics for words he emphasized.

I also have to say BlytheHasFreckles had written Norm's POV so well, I decided to use that way for him. Thank you!

MS out! Peace!


End file.
